Chaos Agents | Ep 20 | Calm Before the Storm

DM | Thomas Koch | https://twitter.com/ThomasAKoch
UZO | Warren Reid | https://twitter.com/urbanmasque
REMY the Fox | Beau C. Williams | https://twitter.com/Beau_C_Williams
ANDRASTE | Tiana Hanson | https://twitter.com/Vana1895
RUKUS | Aaron Acosta | https://twitter.com/AaronThatDay

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Episode 20 – Calm Before the Storm

Remy sleeps contentedly after the tavern’s opening night. The Vault of Dragons is found, the Irregulars made lots of money, and opening was a success. Only when he gets downstairs does he realize he’s missing his Ring of Warmth. Eva must have stolen it. Uzo says I told you so.

Rukus sits up from a pile of broken furniture in the tap room and asks how the night went. He apparently doesn’t remember joining the Smash Brothers for their brawl. Remy and Uzo say it went well but they can’t keep incurring this kind of damage. The Smash Brothers were a great opening night event, but they’re not welcome anymore.

Andraste walks in the front door. She spent the night away after the awkwardness with Remy and missed most of the festivities. She’s evasive when they ask why, saying only that there were too many people and she needed time alone. She goes upstairs and Uzo says “I feel I know women the least, but something’s wrong.” He goes up to talk to her and says he’s here if she wants to talk but understands if she needs to keep secrets. He only asks she tell them if there’s something that will put them in danger.

Andraste tells him that everything’s changed so much since she met the group. “Ten days ago I was an elf without a tribe. I had been alone for entirely too long. Now I’m in the middle of this group that is insane and wonderful and I could just drop a fireball on everyone at some point and be perfectly happy. And yet, I miss you guys.” Uzo suggests the Foxy Irregulars can be her new tribe to share in adventures, particularly if they start with his deed. Andraste recognizes something about the symbol on it but nothing specific. The elven elders in the High Forest would know more.

They head downstairs where Remy is telling Rukus over a breakfast beer how the Smash Brothers had been trying to headbut his codpiece. Rukus doesn’t remember any of it, but realizes he’s only wearing his codpiece now and no fancy pants. Andraste makes breakfast. When Remy asks what it is, she very curtly says “eggs.” He’s taken aback but changes the topic and says he only has a fork to eat with. So he pulls out Rukus’s butterknife that he still has from the fight with the doppelganger. Rukus asks if that’s his butterknife, but Remy not anymore. Rukus scoffs and says “Enjoy the rat blood on it because I have not cleaned it since day 1 and evidently that’s a problem here.”

Remy immediately panics over ingesting lycanthropic blood. But then he remembers he can’t get cursed without getting bitten. But still, the fear of becoming a wererat convinces him to give it back to Rukus who immediately bonds with the knife so Remy can never steal it again.

The next ten days go by quickly as the team takes care of things in town.

Remy takes Uzo to visit Eva at the Rosznar estate in the Sea Ward. She still lives with her parents because they’re rich. Uzo wants to purchase his new property and they go to the bank and sign the necessary forms. For 250 gold, Uzo now owns the tower that hid the Vault of Dragons. Eva and Remy flirt with each other the whole time while Uzo follows them like a parent chaperoning a first date. Remy palms her a folded piece of paper saying to read it when he isn’t here. He also says to keep the ring she stole. “It won’t be the last ring you give me,” Eva replies. She almost steals Remy’s Ring of Protection as well, but he catches her. Then when they kiss, he manages to steal her ruby necklace. Apparently this is just rogue foreplay.

Meanwhile, Andraste goes to a bookstore so she doesn’t have to steal books from Uzo’s room during the night. She buys some histories on Waterdeep and the elven lands, some literary novels, and finally some trashy romances. One is called “The Stream” and the other is “The Tall Halfling,” about an elven princess who’s swept off her feet by a dashing halfling. She buys them both in Elvish so no one else can read them.

When Andraste returns to the tavern with her books, Uzo is curious. He can’t read since he was blind since recently and asks if Andraste can teach him to read Common and Elvish. He picks up one of the books and asks “for instance, what does this say?” Andraste blushes as she sees him pick up “The Tall Halfling.” Incredibly flustered, she says it’s “The Stream” as an oblivious Remy walks by. She grabs the book and shoves it in her jacket, then leaves to get beginner reading books. She also gets them in Common for Rukus.

Remy talks to Uzo in private and reveals he’s worried because he’s the only one in the party who can’t do magic. He doesn’t want to get left behind. Uzo asks if he feels inadequate somehow, then explains that he can’t teach his magic. One night he had a dream that felt very real. A great voice said it had a mission for him and granted him power to do it. When Uzo woke up he had Baga and his Warlock abilities. But he worries that they could disappear at any time so he doesn’t want to rely on them. He finishes by making things as painfully blunt as possible. He asks if Remy has any other inadequacies he wants to talk about, but the rogue is off to buy a ship.

Much like house shopping, Remy meets with a salesman and describes his perfect ship. He wants a fast sailing ship with ballista and cannon that requires a smaller than normal crew. Then he looks at every ship for sale in Waterdeep, none of which come anywhere close. The salesman says he’ll contact other cities and be in touch.

Andraste goes to the greenhouse across the street and starts learning about herbalism. After ten days, she spends 500 gold to become proficient in the herbalism kit and create 2 potions of greater healing. In between her lessons she teaches Uzo and Rukus to read, and they do their homework in the taproom with the help of the tavern staff and urchin children. One day she sees Uzo explaining that a paperback romance is called “The Tall Stream”. Rukus says to let him see. He can inexplicably read Elvish though not Common, and he lies to cover for Andraste, saying it’s “The Tall Turd.” Remy is amazed and can’t get over the fact that Andraste got a book with scatalogical humor. She takes “The Tall Halfling” back and vows to never leave it out again.

Remy gets word there’s a ship that meets his desires. The Daggerford Octopeers are upgrading and selling their old ship. It is a fast ship with four cannons, and needs 5 officers with 15 crew. It  costs 12,000 gold but they won’t make the necessary repairs until it’s purchased. He’ll have to go south to Daggerford to inspect it.

Rukus goes to Steam and Steel to get greaves that fit over his spider slippers. He no longer has -1AC when he wears them. Remy goes to the Temple of Gond and gets 2 more pistols from the priestess Valetta with 5 more rounds for each. Rukus wants both so he can be a gunslinger, but Remy says no and gives one to Uzo instead. Andraste says not to wave the gun around. Rukus isn’t worried because it isn’t loaded. He puts it to his temple and pulls the trigger with a click. Andraste grabs the gun and smacks him with it.

After ten days of business, the tavern makes a net profit of 5 gold. This is partly because it’s new and partly because of the repairs from the Smash Brothers. They debate what to do next. Rukus wants to go after the Cassalanters in Baldur’s Gate but Andraste says they aren’t powerful enough. Remy is torn between running the tavern and going to Daggerford. He doesn’t tell the others about the boat waiting for his inspection. Uzo wants to find out about his deed in the High Forest. Andraste has clues about the orcs that destroyed her village near there, so they decide Daggerford will be their first stop.

They start off the next morning. The gate guard takes an irrational dislike to the party and gives Barnibus all the credit for their exploits. He obviously lies that the road is safe, and for once Remy says someone isn’t invited to the tavern. Remy is short and wants to ride an ass. So he jumps on Rukus’ shoulders since he can’t ride himself. Thankfully the pomade means it doesn’t smell bad up there. By evening they find a campsite and Andraste hunts rabbits to cook for dinner. As she skins them, Remy is disturbed at the bunny guts. Andraste just says “you’re in my territory now.”

They intelligently set up a watch for the night. Remy doesn’t see anything but when he wakes up Rukus he’s greeted with a butterknife at his neck. He swears he’ll never wake Rukus again. Rukus uses his sword’s light but sees nothing either. He spider climbs up the tree Andraste’s sleeping in, wakes her, then moonwalks back down. She sees nothing either, and though she needs no more sleep, wakes Uzo to be fair. It’s his first time in the woods like this and he’s amazed it’s not quiet. Then he hears a deep grunt and two boulders fly in toward the camp.

Two enormous hill giants stand just outside of the camp. Remy immediately flanks wide and pulls out his hand cannon. He fires with an enormous explosion of sound louder than anything he’s ever heard. Rukus throws his flamberge into a giant’s stomach where it sticks there and quivers. Then he calls it back to his hand. Andraste is surprised and upset and throws an enormous fireball behind the giants. The heat and shock wave knock Remy’s hat off as a giant attacks him. Luckily he’s small and the enormous club misses.

Andraste, Rukus, and Uzo focus their attention on one of the giants, taking him down. The second giant sees this and yells “You kill Grundle! Me kill you!” He lunges toward the fully armored Rukus, and hits him with a greatclub to the face. All of the Irregulars attack the giant, dealing massive damage to it, but not before it hits Rukus again. This time the club comes straight down on his head and knocks him out cold.

“Momdraste” screams a primal roar saying “You hurt mine. I will destroy you!” and Remy finally kills the giant with a pistol shot to the head.

They race to the downed Rukus where Uzo decides it’s better to let Andraste heal him instead of using a mystery potion he found somewhere. She revives the fighter and Rukus wakes up asking if they won. His hair took a lot of the blow, and it’s sticking out sideways now, the pomade mixing with all the blood on his face.

They catch their breath until the sun rises then continue south toward Daggerford.

 

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