Chaos Agents | Ep 19 | Opening Night
DM | Thomas Koch | https://twitter.com/ThomasAKoch
UZO | Warren Reid | https://twitter.com/urbanmasque
REMY the Fox | Beau C. Williams | https://twitter.com/Beau_C_Williams
ANDRASTE | Tiana Hanson | https://twitter.com/Vana1895
RUKUS | Aaron Acosta | https://twitter.com/AaronThatDay
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Episode 19 – Opening Night
The Foxy Irregulars exit the tower in the Sea Ward with Eva. Remy tries to pay her for the door Rukus broke, but Uzo says she won’t use this place again since she’s rich. He offers to buy it and they settle on a price of 250 gold. Eva says she’ll use Remy’s gold to buy him a drink later.
They’re interrupted as a beholder turns a corner. Barnibus asks them not to make a scene, but Remy smirks. “Do you know who you’re with?” he asks and they attack. Remy throws a dagger which sticks in the beholder while Uzo and Andraste flank wide to get out of its anti-magic field. They blast it ruthlessly until something abruptly blocks the sun. Where Barok the dwarf had stood, Aurinax the gold dragon now reveals his massive natural form. He grabs the beholder’s eyestalks with one claw and lifts it up into the air. Beams of light fly from the beholder’s eye as Aurinax flies away to play with his new chew toy before finally dispatching it.
“Oh right,” Remy says. “We have a dragon.” His dagger was still stuck in the beholder.
Uzo receives a message in his head saying for mages to meet in the Sea Ward. He tells the others that when he went missing from the group, he secured a safe place for the city’s homeless. To do that he had to register with the Order of Magisters and Protectors. He doesn’t like it but he does owe them this.
Mages start appearing, a soldier on a griffon flies in and lands on the tower, and the sound of marching echoes through the alleys. Captain Staget arrives with troops and a gorgeous, ageless woman with long silver hair. She is Laeral Silverhand, the Open Lord of Waterdeep, and a god. She knows who the Irregulars are and thanks them for all they’ve done for the city. Uzo doesn’t like that the party name has stuck with them and Rukus tries to say something incoherent, but Remy interrupts them both saying “we’re very grateful to be of assistance.”
Laeral says that she will make good on their deal with Barnibus. She has opened an account with the Sword coast Traders’ Bank that will be flush by tomorrow morning with the 50,000 gold along with another 1,000 for the bounty on the nimblewright. The bank has offices in Waterdeep, Daggerford, and Baldur’s Gate that keep their books with magic so the the Irregulars won’t have to carry cash when they travel. Andraste notes that “when the city moves it moves swiftly.”
Just as Remy starts inviting Laeral to the tavern opening, Uzo asks why he hasn’t introduced his girlfriend. They realize Eva has disappeared, and Remy tries to subtly get Uzo to shut up both to hide Eva’s involvement and to save his hurt feelings.
The team is very near the Temple of Gond, so they stop in once they part from Laeral. The temple is a flurry of activity but Valetta the dragonborn priest brings them 500 gold for killing the nimblewright. She also gets the pistol or “hand cannon” the Irregulars left with her. The temple has been able to document and diagram it but hasn’t had time to make any new ones. After some haggling, Remy gets the pistol, powder, and shot. They leave the 500 gold reward with the understanding that the priests will make two more pistols. The party will get one but the temple will keep the second to continue experiments in order to improve it.
They go to the Irregular Tavern where Barnibus is almost done with repairs. To Uzo’s disappointment he wasn’t able to get an octopus tank to replace the entire wall, but there is an aquarium inside with two octopi. In the kitchen, Rachel is prepping an entire menu. Barnibus says that the headliners, The Smash Brothers, will go on at 9 o’clock, and Kenny Jeeves is set to open for them. The tavern will open doors at 7.
Before they rest and prepare for the opening, the team goes down the street to Steam and Steel, the armory they’ve been trying to visit for days. The fire genasi Avi and his water genasi partner Embric show the team many magic weapons and items including a bow that Remy recognizes. He’d once owned the so-called Rogue’s Bow. He’d taken it from a bounty and sold it in order to buy his house. He ponders buying it but decides against it since he has dreams of buying a ship.
Shopping and haggling ensue, but they eventually pay 4,250 gold (originally 5,000) for multiple items. Uzo gets a Decanter of Endless Water and an Amulet of Proof Against Detection and Location. Remy gets a Cloak of Elvenkind and a replacement dagger for the one that was sticking in the beholder when Aurinax took it away.
Rukus buys a Gray Bag of Tricks, saying “I like pets,” as well as a magic flamberge. The Flamberge of the Night is a silvered +1 weapon that gives advantage on attacks against those cursed by Lycanthropy and the Undead. As a bonus action he can activate the blade to emit a dim blue light in a 20 foot radius, giving or enhancing darkvision to those around it.
Andraste takes a Bag of Holding along with a replacement for her longsword that seems specifically suited for their future adventures. The Orc Slayer Blade is a +1 magic longsword that saw use during the last great war against the orc Obould Many Arrows. It does additional damage to Orcs and vibrates very subtly when an Orc is within 40 feet. As they’re about to leave, Avi gives Andraste a set of four small figures carved from jade in a black velvet bag.
Remy sneaks off and visits an apothecary where he gets a tin of Victor’s Pomade, really axle grease scented with lavender. He returns to the tavern where he finds Uzo downstairs, sad the octopus tank is too small to swim in. They hear drowning noises from upstairs where Andraste is holding Rukus’s head underwater in a bathtub. The mud and feces turn the water into beef broth. She replaces it and does it again. Eventually she comes downstairs soaking wet like she just washed a dog.
Rukus comes down stark naked, complaining about having lost the battle against Andraste and cleanliness. Remy throws him a towel. Rukus holds it over his crotch and laments that his hair isn’t magnificent any more. He’ll have to go find some mud that has a good odor. Remy gives him the tin of pomade saying it’s a “special kind of of mud.” Rukus is touched by the gesture. No one has given him a gift since his family died. He gives a sincere thank you and hugs Remy. Unfortunately his towel falls off first. As they separate, the 3’4” Remy wipes the water off his face from whatever it was that touched him.
They go upstairs to get ready but Uzo fills the octopus tank first. He shoves octopi aside and slowly squeezes himself in until he’s fully submerged. When he pokes his head back out, the Octopeer armor scurries off and folds itself on the ground. Uzo stuffs it in a bag before it can latch back on just as Remy walks back downstairs. He sighs as he sees Uzo’s magnificence for the second time that day.
Andraste comes downstairs braiding her hair, sees Uzo, and goes back up. Broxley walks in and screams. Uzo goes upstairs to get dressed, leaving wet footprints. Remy laments “Why are these things always at eye level for me? It’s been nothing but balls and arses all day.”
Sir Ambrose and Captain Staget arrive at 6:30. Remy gives them a tour while Rukus throws his new sword around his room trying to magically bond with it. As more people come in, Remy stops as if a beam of light has blinded him. Eva walks into the tavern and smiles. Through flirty small talk, she explains she disappeared because she didn’t want to catch Laeral’s attention. Remy likes this headstrong woman. He insists that she buy him a drink in his own tavern with the money he gave her earlier for the door she doesn’t care about.
Andraste sees them, gets a drink, and goes upstairs without a word.
Rukus notices and goes upstairs after her while Remy and Eva engage in pre-pre-foreplay. The door to Andraste’s room is closed and he says “You know my relationship with doors, Andraste.” “You break my door, I will break your knees,” she replies. He sighs and knocks, doing it the boring way. He says he’s not good at this emotions thing but asks if she’s all right. She says no, but since he can’t fix it, she buckles on her sword and goes back downstairs.
They arrive in time to see Uzo blindfolded, shoot an apple off Remy’s head with his crossbow. Then Kenny Jeeves comes in and plays deep, soulful music. Remy goes back to Eva where they stare into each other’s eyes and share a long kiss that lasts several seconds. Andrate grits her teeth and leaves the tavern.
Uzo asks Baga how it’s fair that he does all the hard work but Remy gets the girl. Rukus slams his sword in the floor and yells “light!” setting the mood for the rest of the evening.
EDITOR’S NOTE: This episode ends with a Q&A session and discussion on where the story will go from here. – BC/SS