Monday, November 28, 2022

Chaos Agents | Ep 12 | Open for Business

DM | Thomas Koch |
UZO | Warren Reid |
REMY the Fox | Beau C. Williams |
ANDRASTE | Tiana Hanson |
RUKUS | Aaron Acosta |

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Episode 12 – Open for Business

As morning breaks, the sound of crashing and smashing comes from Rukus’s turret bedroom. Remy pops his head in to see what’s going on, but it’s just Rukus venting his frustration over Hrabazz by going Hulk on his furniture. Andraste tells him not to break the tavern before they open.

Downstairs, Uzo tells the Irregulars he saw a magic book in the Gralhund manor. Since they still have the estate keys they found, they should go back at some point. He introduces his new rat friend, Kuma who has said he was put in the walls by the Sharters. They’re all halfling wererats, and Remy is one too. Uzo says he must be mistaken, but Remy is profoundly uncomfortable and tries to change the subject without ever actually denying it. They leave to go find food with Uzo surreptitiously scanning Remy for extra hair.

They decide they need to deal with Frewn since he paid the Sharters to put the rats in the walls. They stride down the block and Remy kicks the door in. He starts threatening the devious Frewn while Uzo puts his blindfold back on and starts stumbling around, knocking down 85% of everything behind the bar in a domino effect. When Frewn protests, Uzo puts his spear to his throat saying that Frewn owes them. Frewn is going to keep the ruffians out of the Irregular Tavern or the party will blame him for any problems they have. They ask about the wererats and Frewn tells them they’re known to frequent a hostel in the Dock Ward. The bartender wets his pants in fear and Remy says he needs to drink more water.

As they leave, Rukus takes a bottle of subpar mead. Andraste thinks it’s too early, especially since they haven’t eaten dinner or breakfast. Remy slips Frewn 5 gold for the trouble, and Uzo reprimands him saying he’s too soft on the people of the North Ward.

Back at the tavern, Broxley has returned. He has entertainment lined up for their grand opening including Kenny Jeeves and the Smash Brothers who fight each other. They’re super. Remy wants a good chef too and they agree to have a competition cooking octopus and cheese. They also learn about the Immaculate Guild of Octopeers who massage the octopus before killing them so they’re tender.

Remy shares the money that he took from the Gralhund manor. It totals to 150 gold per person. They decide they need to talk to Urstul, the last person they know to have had the Stone of Golorr. They go to Barnibus’s personal residence but he’s already at work, and they finally find him at the city watch office. Barnibus, now with a new cowboy accent, agrees to let the Irregulars question Urstul before the watch interrogates, hangs, raises, and questions him again.

Urstul is being held at Castle Waterdeep. On the way there, Remy asks to stop at a blacksmith to get his rapier blade silvered. Barnibus says a better place is a smithy on Trollskull Alley owned by a fire and a water genasi. Remy remembers he got the gold bars stamped there. But since that’s in the opposite direction, they decide to stop at a magic weapon shop in the Trade Ward.

They go into the same shop where Remy first met Uzo, a place with no name run by Jason Delileaux. “Zhay-SOHN” as he’s called insults Uzo by barely recognizing him and then offering him a pitiful friend price. Remy asks about rings of protection while Jason shows them a magic spear and Uzo is continually insulted by the prices.

Rukus offers Jason a peak at the magic sword he took from Urstul in exchange for a better discount. The shopkeep doesn’t take the terrible offer, and Remy reminds Rukus that an examination would be a service for them. Rukus doubles down and says “wink”. He doesn’t wink.

With rumors of wererats, Jason now has silvered weapons. Each one costs 125 gold, but he offers a deal for 75 each, playing up their “friendship” with Uzo. Remy tries to barter his own rapier because of the number of scoundrels he’s killed in myriad ways. Jason wants to see papers if its so legendary and Remy pulls out rolling papers. After Andraste rolls her eyes, they agree that Remy will buy the new rapier but if he gets papers for his own, he can trade it back in for the price.

Uzo is incensed. He puts his spear forward saying “I have killed things with it too” but Jason only offers 5 silver for a “stick with a pointy end”. Uzo buys a silvered spear and Andraste a longsword, each for 75 gold.

Rukus finally lets Jason examine Urstul’s sword, and they discover it doubles the effect of any poison it’s coated with. After much debate, haggling, and Rukus attempting to be smart, the team agrees to trade the sword and 100 gold for four +2 rings of protection. [**NOTE** These rings will be retconned in a future episode]

The party finally leaves the unnamed store and gets to Castle Waterdeep. The watch allows them to talk to the imprisoned Urstul, but not before Barnibus casts a zone of truth. Remy, Andraste, and Urstul all fail, so Uzo asks the questions. From the interview, they find out that Urstul was tired of working for the Gralhunds so he took the stone of Golorr for himself. He had his hands on it when the fireball went off in front of the tavern. He doesn’t know who has it now, but guesses that the nimblewright, a servant of the Gralhunds, has it. Urstul started the Zhentarim schism and violence against Xanathar because his master Manshoon, a powerful former black staff, told him too. Mansion wants the stone because he wants the gold. The Gralhunds want it because they’re working for Ammalia Cassalanter, another noble.

Remy asks if Urstul wants a message sent anywhere before he’s killed. Urstul says there’s a waitress in Luskan named Jezebel he never told he loved. Uzo says he’s not going to Luskan and tosses the note. Remy empathizes but doesn’t explain. He folds the note delicately and says he will deliver it if he ever goes there. Rukus offers Urstul a job at the tavern if he survives the hanging, but when the team objects, he says to just die. Urstul says “and also with you.”

Taking Urstul away, Barnibus tells the Irregulars that he now knows they’re searching for the Stone of Golorr. The money it will find was embezzled from the city but there are other, less savory characters searching for it now. He offers a 10% finders fee (expecting 50,000 gold), but Uzo isn’t happy. He says that the money will go back to the rich areas of the city and Waterdeep needs to do more for the homeless. Barnibus writes up a contract establishing another 10% will go to social programs. He also has documentation written up for Remy’s sword.

Shopping and interrogation complete, the party now heads to the Dock Ward hostel “to go kill something.” They make sure their new rings** are attuned by the time they get there. Rukus now has an impossible-to-hit AC. He says he is going to kick down the door unless someone stops him. No one does so he does. He actually beats the architecture this time, knocking the door off its hinges where it flies into the room, knocking two halflings unconscious. Andraste is appalled. Rukus isn’t phased.

There’s an uproar of commotion and Remy sneaks in between Rukus’s legs. He calls out “Shard Shunners?” and four halflings react. He hides. Rukus screams at the bartender to get him a pilsner, then attacks the Sharters with his flamberge. Uzo and Andraste throw spells.

Three male and one female halfling all turn into wererats. Rukus is disgusted, but Remy’s adrenaline races and he unwillingly shifts into his own wererat form. Andraste sees it happen. As Remy backstabs one of the Sharters, she yells out that the one with the silvered blade is theirs.

Uzo blasts the wererat right where Remy stabbed it, and guts fly all over Rukus. He’s invigorated by the gore and he swings again but his flamberge does no damage. Uzo calls out to try the butterknife. Rukus pulls it out, and with a massive effort, stabs down through a prone wererat, pinning it to the floor with a dull butterknife. As it dies, it turns back into a halfling.

Andraste throws more spells, lighting one wererat on fire, then goes to heal one of the halflings hit by the door. Meanwhile a different wererat hits Remy. The swashbuckler’s adrenaline rages, he roars, and stabs the wererat. As it dies, it turns back into a halfling and Remy rips its throat out with his teeth. He looks up at the last surviving wererat and recognizes it as the one that bit him. He launches himself at it, skewering it as he drives it to the floor. It starts to turn back into a halfling, and Remy growls “I’m going to give you the same courtesy you gave me. Let me kiss you.” He bites its face off.

He looks up, pants like a furious beast, then dashes out of the tavern and flees. Andraste and Rukus run after Remy, but ever the opportunist, Uzo goes to loot the bodies. He finds silvered blades and hand crossbows. Then he finds that the second halfling Rukus hit with the door has died. Uzo could have saved him but he looted instead of healed.

– Ben Cisclowski

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